Anatomy of a Type 9: Don’t Rock the Boat

Nines are the easygoing peace-lovers of the Enneagram. Above all else, they want to keep both their interior worlds and their exterior worlds in harmony and peace. They avoid rocking the boat or doing anything that would compromise their peace-keeping efforts.

Today I’m continuing the exploration of the Enneagram with my type 9 husband, Steve Laymon. Steve is an engineer who enjoys spending the bulk of his free time in nature and is the beacon of calm in our family. Today Steve will share what being a Nine is like.

If you’re new around here and/or new to the Enneagram, check out my overview of the Enneagram here. You’ll also find links for other Enneagram Types.

A quick note: The books I reference below include affiliate links. If you purchase a product through my links, I will receive a small percentage of the profit at no extra cost to you. For more details, click here.

Let’s dig in.

Defining Characteristics of a Type Nine

Nines have a way of bringing people together and creating harmony out of the most dissonant circumstances. They are natural mediators, seeing multiple points of view, and understanding the merits of them all. They are supportive friends and patient listeners, trusting, stable, accepting, and optimistic.

Nines sit at the crown of the Enneagram and are the type most able to identify with all the other types. Often these types have trouble identifying their own type because they so easily identify with all the others. Nines can embody the idealism of the One, the generosity of the Two, the attractiveness of the Three, the creativity of the Four, the intellectualism of the Five, the loyalty of the Six, the adventure-seeking of the Seven, and the strength of the Eight.

Sometimes Nine have trouble identifying themselves as Nines because part of the strategy of the type is to merge with close others to maintain a sense of connection with them. In that merging, their own sense of self can become fuzzy. Nines typically have trouble with bringing a separate self into their relationships because this separateness can feel like distance to them, which is what they are trying to avoid. They are guarded against separation, loss, and disconnection. Thus, their main strategy is to avoid conflict and elevate the preferences, needs, and wishes of others above their own.

Maintaining harmony by agreeing with others is exactly how Nines operate… Nines forget their opinions, preferences, and priorities. Instead they merge with the feelings, viewpoints, and pursuits of others and in doing so erase themselves.

– Ian Cron, The Road Back to You

Their desire for peace overshadows their desire to take a stand or assert themselves against another in any way. They fear that asserting themselves or taking action against the status quo will threaten their sense of peace and connection in the world. They are most afraid of disconnection, loss, or separation from the ones they love. And they fear that anger and conflict will cause this break in their world.

So rather than assert what they need or want, they will quietly acquiesce so as not to trouble the waters or feel cut off from their important relationships. This can result in passive-aggressiveness or an underlying resentment or anger that bubbles just underneath their contented exterior. Nines are often cut off from the awareness of this anger or resentment and so instead it shows up as forgetfulness or indifference.

What Nines need to learn is that conflict is a healthy, even necessary part of life and what they bring to the table matters and is important.

Core Desire: To maintain a sense of inner and outer peace in their world.

Basic Fear: Of conflict, especially that leads to separation or loss.

Driving Motivation: For peace between themselves and their loved ones. For inner tranquility and contentment.

Blind spot: Their anger and aggression. Surprisingly, Nines sit on a cauldron of anger that remains mostly unseen to both themselves and others. It springs from a sense of being overlooked, forgotten, or unheard. They strive to keep the peace of their situation out of their fear that bringing their true self forth will cause them pain, separation, or even abandonment.

Main struggles: Lacking a clear sense of who they are and what they want, passive-aggressiveness, numbing out whether through eating, sleeping, reading, or some other activity to escape their lives.

Key traits: Agreeable, accommodating, receptive, indecisive, easygoing.

Pitfall: Lethargy & comfort.

Superpower: According to Chestnut, “providing steadfast support to others in a way that makes everyone around them feel honored and included.”

Gifts to the world: Nines have a way of speaking difficult truth in a way that people can hear it. They also have an ability to bring people of different ideas and opinions together and to bring about harmony and peace between different groups of people.

Invitation to growth: Nines need to realize that peace-making and peace-keeping are very different things and to make true and lasting peace, a fair amount of conflict and disagreement is necessary. They also need to bring their beautiful voices to the table more often and realize the value of what their unique perspective can offer. Cron urges Nines:

Wake up and say yes to the adventure of your own life!

From the Source: Being a Type 9

To better understand the inner life of Type Nines, I asked my husband, Steve to share from his experiences as a Nine and how he is using the Enneagram as a tool for growth in his life.

Describe how being a type 9 is for you.

I have mixed feelings. Generally I feel at peace with who I am, but other times I get frustrated that I have a hard time getting results or that my inaction has got me into trouble again.

How did you come to know about the Enneagram and how did you know you were a Nine?

I learned about the Enneagram from our pastor 7 years ago. He had me take a test. I tested as a type 5. A friend suggested (after about a year of thinking I was a 5) that I might be a 9. I read the description and thought, “Oh, that sounds so much easier. I don’t have to try so hard to be 5.” (Nines are idealists and I had idealized the 5).

What bothers you most about being a type 9?

Being a type 9 is like not getting to eat your own birthday cake. It’s your birthday and that’s awesome, but everyone else gets to enjoy the benefits you bring. People feel safe and comfortable with me and can trust me. I wish I could feel and taste internally what others experience from me. I hate that I avoid conflict, but it’s just so emotionally draining that I don’t have the energy to do much else after the fact.

What do you enjoy most about being a type 9?

I like being easy-going. Sleeping in on Saturdays. Taking life as it comes. Knowing people are comfortable around me.

How do you see your Nine-ness affecting your closest relationships? Marriage? Kids? Friendships, etc?

I mostly see it in two areas:

1. The safety and comfort I offer people has allowed me to develop really deep and trusting relationships.
2. My own internal need for peace and safety often isolates me from others. This can cause my friends to think I’ve abandoned them or don’t care. I often get in trouble for what I don’t do.

In what ways has the Enneagram been a useful tool for growth in your life?

In understanding my number, I’ve seen how my motivations can both bring me joy and cause me pain. I’ve been learning through the study of the Enneagram that in order to grow I need to be okay with taking action, knowing that conflict is the route to the true peace in relationships that I crave.

In what ways do you see your type reflected in your childhood?

I once told a friend I couldn’t go to his house to play because I had to clean my room. My room was already clean, I just wanted to be alone by myself for the rest of the day. That’s all I ever really want now that I think about it… I’m such a 9.

A huge thank you to Steve for sharing with us his inner worlds as a Type 9.

A bit about Steve:

Steve Laymon is the anchor of calm and peace to our family. He is a lean consultant, helping companies minimize waste. He is passionate about giving voice to those in positions that don’t have any power. He is playful and adventurous with a good dose of sarcasm and wit thrown in. When he’s not working, he’s probably lost somewhere exploring in nature, or working on a house project for yours truly. In between that he’s working on perfecting his punny, dad-jokes.

Not a Type 9? Click on the respective links to explore types One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.