How I Found my Soul in the Mess of Motherhood (or How Motherhood Introduced me to Soul Care)

Motherhood turned my world upside down. It became the backdrop for what would be a huge transformation in my life. It brought issues to the surface of my life that caused me to have a crisis of faith. Now when I say crisis of faith, I don’t mean that I was falling away, doubting God, or rebelling in any of the ways you might think of when hearing about a crisis of faith. But that becoming a mom turned my ideas about who God is, who I am, what it means to follow God, and how I should live, all upside down.

The Birth of my Soul

The birthing pangs of my soul began with the birth of my son. Motherhood highlighted the wide discrepancy between who I wanted to be and who I really was. It exposed how much I relied on my own “good works” to win favor with God. Postpartum depression brought up the mud and muck of my soul that I had tried so hard to bury. As motherhood laid bare my soul, God cared for it and healed it and restored it.

As I walked through depression and disillusionment and discontent, I began meeting with a group of friends that allowed me to be broken and vulnerable in their presence. I also spent some time in therapy, and eventually stumbled upon spiritual direction, a practice of meeting with a spiritual companion who helps me listen to the voice of God in my life. This combination of “soul care” allowed me to find God and grasp his love as if for the first time. It taught me to accept myself, both the good and the flaws, and how to live out of who I really am, rather than out of who I thought I was supposed to be. It was the most glorious and the hardest season I’ve ever walked through.

As I emerged from this fiery season, I realized that I want to be a companion for others who find themselves on a similar journey of receiving God’s love in their broken places. This unchartered territory of the spiritual life can be lonely and hard. You shouldn’t have to walk it alone.

My desire is to walk with you as you navigate the untamed nature of the spiritual life. God uses all types of crises and situations to do this critical inner work. He even uses the mundane, tedious, emptiness of life to stir a longing within us for more of Himself, for more from ourselves, and for more out of life.

If you find yourself longing for a friend to walk with you on your journey, welcome! I’m glad you’re here. You’re in good company.